When you were a kid, you had dreams, so many dreams and so many things you wanted to achieve. Long list of things you want to be and you don’t want to be. Every day that “what I want to be” thing changed, but still you were having a clear vision of it. May it be a doctor or a pilot or an engineer or an actress or a singer? But it was clear in your head that what you wanted to be like when you grow up. Back then a doctor was someone who helps people and make things right. You never knew that to get a doctorate degree you’ve to go through so much pain, competition, fear of failing & so on. Back then things were easy and you always thought to become something that is accepted by everyone.
I had a dream of sorts that I’ll do something to change things in this world, something that will define me, something that will define the meaning of my existence. Something that will make people feel connected to me, those people who dont know me, who are not related to me by blood or are not my friends. This feeling was so deep rooted that it never went away completely, though it faded a bit at times but it was tough to get rid of it completely. I had this feeling that I’m made for something that is not normal. But then when you are up to something that’s not normal society won’t let you do it. Your dreams should be ‘conventional’, you can’t dream of being something that doesn’t fit into the norms of society. So those dreams were suppressed for a while, and then resurfaced once I became a bit mature. It’s not possible to get rid of the dreams which are immersed in your soul.
With time I realized that the dreams I am trying to follow have a very rough and untrodden path. The way Robert Frost said “…two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by…” I kinda felt connected to this thought always. I felt like this is my thought that I couldn’t pen down for whatsoever reason. People mocked me and they still are but now I’m sure of the road I want to take. Some mockery won’t stop me from following my dreams.
And then one day the realization struck… I felt this pain inside me, pain that I am failing. I read it somewhere, someone describing this feeling, someone shoving a hand inside your ribs and dragging your heart out just so they can rip it apart. I felt someone was churning my heart and the pain was agonizing. I still am struggling with words to explain how I felt. I lived with this feeling for almost six to eight months and then I started writing this blog 🙂
I will keep trying and a day will come when I will feel content about trying and achieving my dream.
I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference…