Millennial Moment


The way she clutches her hand,

The way her leg keeps making certain movements,

The way she keeps ticking her fingernail on her table, 

The way her toe keeps doing that rhythmic motion,

The way her mind keeps working, 

The way sweat tickles her spine, 

The way her heartbeats makes deafening noise,

The way a thousand pins prickled her head,

The way she breathes profoundly, 

The way her teeth clenches to the extent it starts screeching,

The way she feel shapes forming up in darkness,

The way her demons come to look her in the eye and say ‘hello’,

The way she feels cold to her bones,

The way she trembles and her bones hurt mournfully,

The way she keeps tracing the same circle again and again and again…The way she starts her life from the scratch every few months,

That’s exactly how anxiety feels like! 

Inherent SentimentĀ 


If I’m to ask you a question that what might be the most natural feeling for you what would come to your mind? 

Happiness. Oh being happy is the most natural thing. I felt that all my life, but let me tell you, it isn’t that natural. When everything is just picture perfect, good friends, loving spouse, good job, and still you feel something stinging inside. It’s definitely not what happiness feels like.

Love. Yes, I felt that too! But do you feel loved when you’re falling apart? No I guess, you’re falling apart because love is the only thing you’re not feeling. 

Peace maybe? Being peaceful is tough nut to crack. After working for whole day long, maybe you’re peaceful, but then you feel that lump in your throat, when you see you’re not appreciated for what you’re doing! Is that peace? No. 

All this is just one thing. It’s pain.

P.A.I.N.

Yes Pain comes off most naturally I guess. It’s most adaptable feeling isn’t it? 

A friend just got braces (for teeth obviously), I asked how’s the Pain. She said I got used to with it, for a while I thought she got used to with her braces but no, she got used to with the Pain those braces give. 

Do you remember that time when you were sitting on the floor weeping? That Pain. It’s still there, but now you’re used to with that Pain. So it’s easy to deal with! 

That moment when you lose your loved one forever! That feeling, like you cannot imagine your life without them. But then gradually you adapt that Pain! So get used to with those silent tears during darker nights. You get used to with that Pain. 

It’s strange how we believe all our lives that peace, happiness, love comes naturally, and we are adaptable to it! But no, we are adaptable to Pain the most. Maybe survival instinct it is, like a friend said! But it’s in our nature, to bear Pain and get used to with it! 

Still we feel ashamed to show we’re in Pain. Maybe that’s why we say it’s not natural, because we are ashamed of it maybe! 

Well let me tell you, it’s most natural thing you can feel, and it’s really okay to be in Pain. Don’t hide it, don’t go into that shell, just bleed. 

Bleed publicly. 

Because you are not alone in it. Everybody is more or less broken and in pain. So just hang in there, it’ll be alright. No it won’t go away, it’s not a fairytale! But you will get used to with that PAIN…

A year passed…


A year passed and…
We didn’t utter a word to each other!
We didn’t talk! I didn’t share those laughters and lot of silent tears, neither did you!
We were unknown, unknown of all those wonderful and painful moments!
We were not aware about each other’s lives, not even a bit.
We ignored those memories – when we shared the same room, and spend the whole time together!
We didn’t wear each other’s clothes lol šŸ˜„
A year passed by and we are still the same! Sisters, besties, bitches, roomies and friends for life.
I regret not seeing you but I know a year of silence cannot affect our bond even a single bit.
Something that’s purely dedicated to you and you only! Though you’re going to leave soon but do remember I’m just a call away… I’ll miss all those fun and crazy moments but it will all happen again I’m sure šŸ˜Š

ChoiceĀ 


Sitting in an unknown place, I heard a gal asking someone what must be the most powerful three words?! I started thinking about it too and I heard the guy say it’s ‘I love you’! And I wondered if it was true… they were still debating but my mind started weaving a different scenario all together.

I was wondering if ‘I Love You’ are the most powerful three words… my mind wasn’t agreeing, then I thought it might be ‘I trust you’.

I Trust You more than anybody else! People say this and still hurt the ones they trust the most. So those are definitely not the most powerful three words.

I Hate you. Can that be powerful? Yes hatred being the most powerful emotion those words can be powerful. But even after hating someone gravely, you forgive them.

I Forgive You. Oh forgiveness can be really powerful. But even after forgiving someone for the things they have done to you, you cannot forget it. Those things keep haunting you. You let those things define what you are!

I Need You. Need is everything, a person in need always stretch their limits and achieve unimaginable things. But even after needing that person the most, do you go to them? No. So these words might be powerful but not most powerful.

I Believe You. Believing works wonders. True. But even after believing in you why people don’t have faith in you? Still they choose to doubt you.

So even after saying a few powerful words like love, trust, faith, forgiveness, belief… people might not choose to do what they have agreed upon in past. Even after saying I love you, people leave you. After saying I trust you, they doesn’t choose to trust you in that critical moment. Even after forgiving they might not choose to forget it.


So CHOOSING matters.

So love is not enough, neither trust is! They’ll have to Choose to love you or trust you or forgive you.

They will have to Choose to trust you in that critical moment.

On the worst possible day when you are stuck with flowing nose, fever and sneezing profusely, and your loved one have to be somewhere else, they’ll have to Choose you over everything and everybody else.

They’ll have to choose to love you in your most vulnerable moment.

They’ll have to Choose to be by your side when you’re not worthy of love at all, when you’re screaming and pushing them out, they’ll have you to Choose to be there for you.

Despite your flaws, shortcomings, your sharp edges that hurts the most, the person will have to Choose you.

Not just today but even in future, the person will have to Choose to have faith in you, to trust you, to forgive you and most of all, that person has to choose to love you for the whole life!

Choice.

Choice is everything. Love, faith, belief, forgiveness… nothing matters.

Choosing to do all these things, it matters.

So Choice is a strongest word!

And when someone Choose you over all this, than it’s most powerful bonding!

A beautiful thought it is. Often we think it has no end, the pain you feel, the way it hurts and the way it churns your insides, and makes you feel nauseating. The way it contaminates your existence and makes your survival tough, it feels as if it will never end! But it does, it ends, with time it will all heal, it might take some time but it will surely heal. So hang in there, it will gradually pass.

I own YOU, exclusively…

 

I will never be the first of so many things for you..
The first hug, or a stolen first kiss.. I know I’ve missed.
The first time you fell in love, and the way that feeling was above all..
The first time you won a match, and the way your heart had a first scratch..
I came too late, after life and love were woven into the tapestry of your existence.
I care not about the lost firsts, but I’ll fight, knuckles bloody and teeth sharpened, for your lasts..
I dare anyone & everyone to come around the border I’ve cast..
Your present and future belongs to only me, I care least about the past..
Take the old firsts and put them to rest, silent below the dust and ash off all the new ones we will burn through..
Take them, but give me the lasts…IMG-20151120-WA0000

Unrequited Affection

IMG-20150913-WA0000

That’s not her…
She doesn’t leave something in order to hold something else.
She can’t run away from something so she can catch up on something else.
She cant put something down to pick something up.
She can’t let go off something so she can make room for something new.
She is not someone who would undo what’s done.
She can’t unlove someone to love someone else.
They pile in her heart like stack of cards… One on top of the other, untill she can’t tell them apart.
Old loves are bottomless – deeply carved and full of darkness. In which she often loses herself…
If you’ve ever known her love, it still exists there.
And it always will.
She loses a bit of herself when her love is lost, be it a best friend or life partner or a brother. She can never be the same once that bit is gone.
It is her gift, her curse..
Her ache and her fuel..