Inherent Sentiment 


If I’m to ask you a question that what might be the most natural feeling for you what would come to your mind? 

Happiness. Oh being happy is the most natural thing. I felt that all my life, but let me tell you, it isn’t that natural. When everything is just picture perfect, good friends, loving spouse, good job, and still you feel something stinging inside. It’s definitely not what happiness feels like.

Love. Yes, I felt that too! But do you feel loved when you’re falling apart? No I guess, you’re falling apart because love is the only thing you’re not feeling. 

Peace maybe? Being peaceful is tough nut to crack. After working for whole day long, maybe you’re peaceful, but then you feel that lump in your throat, when you see you’re not appreciated for what you’re doing! Is that peace? No. 

All this is just one thing. It’s pain.

P.A.I.N.

Yes Pain comes off most naturally I guess. It’s most adaptable feeling isn’t it? 

A friend just got braces (for teeth obviously), I asked how’s the Pain. She said I got used to with it, for a while I thought she got used to with her braces but no, she got used to with the Pain those braces give. 

Do you remember that time when you were sitting on the floor weeping? That Pain. It’s still there, but now you’re used to with that Pain. So it’s easy to deal with! 

That moment when you lose your loved one forever! That feeling, like you cannot imagine your life without them. But then gradually you adapt that Pain! So get used to with those silent tears during darker nights. You get used to with that Pain. 

It’s strange how we believe all our lives that peace, happiness, love comes naturally, and we are adaptable to it! But no, we are adaptable to Pain the most. Maybe survival instinct it is, like a friend said! But it’s in our nature, to bear Pain and get used to with it! 

Still we feel ashamed to show we’re in Pain. Maybe that’s why we say it’s not natural, because we are ashamed of it maybe! 

Well let me tell you, it’s most natural thing you can feel, and it’s really okay to be in Pain. Don’t hide it, don’t go into that shell, just bleed. 

Bleed publicly. 

Because you are not alone in it. Everybody is more or less broken and in pain. So just hang in there, it’ll be alright. No it won’t go away, it’s not a fairytale! But you will get used to with that PAIN…

Bleeding words

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I wonder…
If everything has always been like this,
Tormented, dark and full of perils.
I have memories..
In the marrow of my bones,
Seeping out, staining my skin.
I’m on the edge..
Where there is this life I want,
And then there is just insanity.
I see demons..
Not hiding under my bed
Or scratching the window,
But crawling and laughing in my head.
I’m damned,
Coz the darkness clutches my soul,
Whispering sinister sayings into my ears.
I feel tormented..
The ache is always here,
Falling in line with drumming in my chest..
These scars, my badge;
These bruises, my war paint..
I bleed,
But it doesn’t hurt anymore

Serrated Bruises

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I swear, the ones who need love the most, have hardest time letting it in. I’ve always admired the ones who met their match early in life, then walk forever, hand in hand. Loved each other for the rest of their lives!! Growing old together…
That’s not her story. She still recoiled, if you came too close to her heart, and had learned the difference between “love”…. And being “in love”.
She still feel her stomach churn with pain thinking of being in love and her wounds come afresh…
When you give yourself to another, to no avail, you learn to become someone else’s entirely. And the woman she became was not for the faint of heart. She loves without any boundaries or limitations. For her, love is something, which needs no thinking, no limitations, nothing…
The things she once thought true proved to be wrong, so how long can she believe in you? Those shattered pieces of dreams, the pieces that are making her bleed now. How long can she hold on to that?
When you go as far as she’s gone, anything less than that feels like nothing at all. When you feel what she has felt and then get hurt, you go numb.
She loved with all her heart and she’s been shattered into pieces for loving so much.
She was made for midnights, and believe me you won’t need much sleep when you’re with her. She has magic in her veins, some untamed wildness in her eyes. She’ll make you believe in your dreams.
And as you’ll learn to love each of her pieces, you’ll start making sense of yourself.

P.A.I.N.

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PAIN.

The word itself incursions so many things in your mind at once. It’s capable of reminding you those things which you have already left behind and moved on. Just a small, simple word can make you go through your personal hell again and again. Without even making you realize that you are already there. I’m sure the memories are already dancing in front of your eyes. It’s physical and emotional. It’s everything you can imagine and you cannot imagine. A word that does not need any prior introduction. Everyone knows this word since the time they were born. Hell it’s even painful to come out of the womb and adapt to the environment of this mean yet beautiful universe. May be that’s why a baby cries as soon as it’s born, because it’s painful. The first emotion we feel as soon as we step into this universe is this word, PAIN.

What actually is PAIN? Have you ever tried to define it? Sometimes the simplest words are hard to define.  Sometimes it’s our mind that complicate most of the things and maybe that’s why we can’t define it!! It is most simple emotion yet the most complicated one… We often hear people asking us if it’s the most painful moment for you, I never say it is most painful, because you never know what is waiting for you round the corner. There is always worse waiting for you at any moment. So there is nothing such as most painful thing, because you never know what is next!!

PAIN for me is the strongest emotion; the thought of it makes me cringe.

Like when you see your dreams shattering – every bit of it and the way each of those pieces prickle in your eyes and the void you feel inside is the way I define PAIN.

Like the day you had your first heartbreak and you didn’t know what to feel and how to deal with it. The vagueness you feel inside is the way I define PAIN.

Like when you faced your failure for the first time and it was hard to accept that you failed. The feeling that you will never succeed again, the numbness that makes you go crazy is how I define PAIN.

Like in that uncertain moment, when you are unsure if your new born sister will live or not, the way she looks, unaware of everything even her own death and the way you feel darkness surrounding you in that moment is the way I define PAIN.

Like the way you feel when every relation feels fake and every emotion is deceiving you, and all you feel is the rage inside you, the rage to burn the world into ashes, that feeling of outrageousness is something I define as PAIN.

Like the way you feel you have been used by the one of your most loved person, that feeling of being treated as trash is what I define as PAIN.

Like the way you feel when you see the perfect family shattering and you can do nothing about it. That feeling of helplessness is what I define as PAIN.

Like the way you cannot trust the person you love because you’ve been deceived and cheated very gravely, that feeling when all you want to do is run away and hide and never come back, I define it as PAIN.

All these are moments that define pain according to me; this is how I define pain, when you can only feel pain and nothing else. The pain that makes you go numb and takes away everything from you that you love or like. Psychiatrists says that pain is imaginary, it is something that we create in our mind, philosophers says pain is inevitable but suffering isn’t… but when you’re in pain you can’t escape from suffering, because pain is capable of taking all the rationality out of you. So at some point even suffering is inevitable that’s what I’ve gathered from what I’ve been through. And pain is like that vicious circle which has no end to it. It is endless, it is inevitable, it is something you can never turn your back on, something which will make you learn toughest lessons of life, and at some point it will make you realize the value of the blissful moments.

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